On the podcast we talked, for example, about kink dynamics which may be part of people’s everyday lives and not sexual in the everyday setting. Also, there are activities that most people would agree do not count as sex, those that definitely do, and a middle ground which can be a grey area – understood in different ways by different people. It’s worth thinking carefully here about the context: the rules will likely be different in a general pub, a queer bar, a kink munch, and a play party – for example. For example, fondling and snogging in a pub puts other people in the position of having to decide whether to look – and potentially become aroused – or not. If public displays of affection are very erotic then the people doing it might be unwittingly non-consensually involving other people around them in a sex act. There’s also an issue here around what counts as sex.
It’s worth asking yourself – if you’re struggling to see hand-holding or kissing between a same-sex couple, for example, or a triad – whether you’d have the same issues if it was a seemingly normative heterosexual couple. Because of social norms historically a lot of people have had far more trouble with PDAs between non-normative partners than between normative ones. One caveat here is checking whether the issue is a consent issue or a normativity issue though. And other people around the public displays of affection can struggle just as much with it when it is in a monogamous context. For example, it can be just as troubling for a friend if their mate spends a lot of their time together in the pub making out with a partner or casual hookup as it is for a non-monogamous partner. There’s some potential consent issues here between the people concerned – whatever their relationship is – and in relation to the other people around in the social situation where the PDA is happening. Initially we broadened this out to consider all contexts where PDAs happen, not just non-monogamous relationships.
#PUBLIC DISPLAYS OF AFFECTION HOW TO#
They were particularly concerned about how to navigate PDAs in a non-monogamous relationship: to what extent is it acceptable for their partner to be physically affectionate with another partner in a social situation when they are also around? This episode we responded to a listener question about public displays of affection (PDAs).
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